Obligatory Story Guide: An Unearthly Child

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Because every site has a guide somewhere…

100, 000 Unearthly Gum (look, just being on the safe side here, ok?)

In this, the first exciting adventure of Doctor Who, two school…no, hang on…no, that’s not right. It’s not actually exciting really, is it? Ah. Right.

In this, the first story – there, thats better – two schoolteachers neglect their duties and fail to call in Social Services when they discover that one of their pupils is ‘a bit odd’. Nowadays no one would really bat an eyelid and Susan would be labeled as having some form of social disorder, but hey, this was the 60′s.

Anyway, after trying to get Barbara inside a junkyard for ‘a bit of fun’, just after a grumpy old duffer appears, preceded by his smoker’s cough, Ian Chatterton discovers that Susan is trapped in a box – and not in a friendly David ‘Git Wizard’ Blaine way. Thats when things go a bit pear shaped for them and they end up inside this Police Box thingy that’s obviously a fairground ride that the old geezer has set up to trap unwary Coal Hill School pupils. Face facts, its probably powered by them. Some sort of ‘Pupil Squeezing’ device, I should imagine. I mean, that thing in the middle that goes up and down is probably what we’re talking about here.

Anyway, the old git says he’s taken them back to the stone age. Well, thats what happens when you let Woolworth’s close. Civilization fails, you just wait and see!

Ahem.

Anyway, what we really get to see is the pilot version of ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here’. The two hosts, Ant and Dec, here, for the sake of copyright named Kal and Za are having a bit of a tiff over who should lead the show. Carol Thatcher keeps whinging on about fire killing everyone which explains why her mother wanted to shut all the coal mines.

Our heroes then spend the rest of the story either being trapped in a cave, or running through a forest. So, thats the next 46 years neatly summed up. Shame there weren’t any corridors or I wouldn’t have to type up every other bloody story. I mean, seriously, have you counted how many of them there are? I’m going to be here till the crack of doom. Especially when the pickles run out.

Anyway, they escape back to the TARDIS. Just as well really. Would have been a very short series otherwise. Would have saved my fingers, mind.

Oh, and right at the end there’s a hint of some radiation.

Which is nice.

In this, the first exciting adventure of Doctor Who, two school…no, hang on…no, that’s not right. It’s not actually exciting really, is it? Ah. Right.
In this, the first story – there, thats better – two schoolteachers neglect their duties and fail to call in Social Services when they discover that one of their pupils is ‘a bit odd’. Nowadays no one would really bat an eyelid and Susan would be labeled as having some for of social disorder, but hey, this was the 60′s.
Anyway, after trying to get Barbara inside a junkyard for ‘a bit of fun’, just after a grumpy old duffer appears, preceded by his smoker’s cough, Ian Chatterton discovers that Susan is trapped in a box – and not in a friendly David ‘Git Wizard’ way. Thats when things go a bit pear shaped for them and they end up inside this Police Box thingy that’s obviously a fairground ride that the old geezer has set up to trap unwary Coal Hill School pupils. Face facts, its probably powered by them. Some sort of ‘Pupil Squeezing’ device, I should imagine. I mean, that thing in the middle that goes up and down is probably what we’re talking about here.
Anyway, the old git says he’s taken them back to the stone age. Well, thats what happens when you let Woolworth’s close. Civilization fails, you just wait and see!
Ahem.
Anyway, what we really get to see is the pilot version of ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here’. The two hosts, Ant and Dec, here, for the sake of copyright named Kal and Za are having a bit of a tiff over who should lead the show. Carol Thatcher keeps whinging on about fire killing everyone which explains why her mother wanted to shut all the coal mines.
Our heroes then spend the rest of the story either being trapped in a cave, or running through a forest. So, thats the next 46 years neatly summed up. Shame there weren’t any corridors or I wouldn’t have to type up every other bloody story. I mean, seriously, have you counted how many of them there are? I’m going to be here till the crack of doom. Especially when the pickles run out.
Anyway, they escape back to the TARDIS. Just as well really. Would have been a very short series otherwise. Would have saved my fingers, mind.
Oh, and right at the end there’s a hint of some radiation.
Which is nice.
  • Luke Pietnik

    Haha, what a marvellous summary of the first Doctor Who serial. I’m looking forward to more. Sorry about your fingers.