Okay, hands up who actually wanted to read Random Thoughts Episode II?
Didn’t think so.
So what does that leave me with?
Nothing. Sod all.
I mean, there’s a pilot for a running column (actually based on Doctor Who, SHOCK HORROR) in the works, but it’s nowhere near ready.
Okay, I’ll just have to fill in the release slot previously taken by RT2 with something else. No biggy.
So, uh…
What is there to do in the meantime?
It’s the day I’ve been waiting for all my life, and I’m fast running out of breath. As the town begins to shrink into the horizon behind me, nettles camouflaged in the long grass sting and scrape at my legs. I don’t care. Beside me, it’s been only a few minutes since I first met him, but we already have a bond that can’t be put into words…
I skid to a halt, and he looks up at me questioningly. I don’t see the look, my eyes are firmly pinned on what lies dead ahead. It stares back, two small beady eyes sitting above gleaming fangs. I turn to him. It’s been only a few minutes. Already he knows. I point at what lies ahead as it suddenly leaps at me.
“Go! CHARMANDER!”
Part One: On Pokemon Red
Aw, yeah.
Yep, I’ve been going back to the game that defined my childhood. I bet you thought this was going to be some sort of Brokeback Mountain deal, didn’t you, you perverted sicko?
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For some reason, the capture software I used to get screengrabs decided to render a busy cursor that wasn't there when I played...
If you have seen my Twitter page, which is very unlikely, you will have already seen my one word review of Doctor Who – The Adventure Games Episode 1: City of the Daleks, a strong contender for Least Wieldy Game Title Ever, up against such fare as Strong Bad’s Cool Game For Attractive People Episode 4 – Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective. If not, I’ll paraphrase it for you: “AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!”
And now, a slightly more erudite review.
Before I start, I should point out that many problems I have with CotD are not anyone’s fault but my own. See, I make a point to only play games several years old, so my creaky 2005 laptop doesn’t have an aneurism over trying to play a game designed for 2010 PCs. However, as we are talking about a game described as an additional episode to Series 5/1/31/Fnarg/Whatever, I decided to ignore the BBC website’s warning that my processor was not man enough to take on the dizzying heights of a freebie adventure game. Therefore, playing with a frame rate that would make a flipbook drawing sneer did nothing but exacerbate problems.
...as well as not rendering some things I distinctly remember being there.
Also, after completing it in a single infuriating afternoon, it was after I mentally wrote this review that the BBC then seemed to psychically detect what I was about to write, and immediately turned around and said “Oh yeah, it’s a beta”. You know what? Screw you. I was not told that when playing or evaluating, so this, BBC, is what happens when you release a beta without saying it’s a beta. I don’t want to see any comments claiming my issues with CotD have been fixed in the final version, if you trick me into thinking a beta is the final release, I’ll treat the beta as if it were final, as that was what it was called when I downloaded it.
With that said, the review.
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